i found a toolbox on the street. leina texted me that she listed me plus one for the party and jack is working door so bring friends. after work i was going to go to my studio and put on the outfit that i sewed because i looked wrong. i convinced shane to come with me because he and inga decided to party separate tonight and sam says she can bring me a shirt and she calls me and tells me she's at home trying on dresses with inga so we go there. i try on dresses but everything is wrong. i wear a shirt and we go in the car to the restaurant and it's almost over. i see and hug in order: diego pea huy nathan z mia jasper leina james fletcher david. sam yells at me for stepping on her foot but i stepped on someone else's foot. she hit glass and she shows me her shoe its so red. i grab her foot and squeeze the toe and the party is over they turn the lights on. i tell her every fortune is the same she says no look at the other side. she said that gay guy was crazy. i say i actually know him and his girlfriend from a birthday dinner in january. outside we walk to the party on bowery and paris is leaving. she says this is illegal for priya. at funny bar we see david omar and mickal and jack comes. i did not drop them but i pick them up the knocked over flowers. at home in the living room i tell shane and inga the house was like the hand of god. there are many things that were like the hand of god like house and lucien and los angeles california and blog. i will talk to you later about everything else.
Yesterday we came back on the train from massachusetts vacation. lining up to exit the woman who drank the whole small bottle of red wine from the cafe car menu is talking into her apple watch wrist i think she's from sweden. saying well you know....life is a song. most of the stalls were cow empty at the fair. we knew which pig was going to win before the race started from looking at their bodies. i was limping at the demolition derby and when the car crushed the other car into the concrete barrier and the driver was unconscious and the medics were all over like ants on dropped food wes asked me why i wanted to stay because he said we should leave now. i said because the getting hurt is part of it and then the hurt man woke up and told the man with the microphone lets keep going and then he crushed all the other cars and was the winner. and when he was the winner he climbed on top of his car while all the cars he crushed got taken away. before massachusetts nico and sargent came over and then sam came over and i made spaghetti and meatballs and shane and inga made negroni and wes told me how to make meatballs by making them for me. just delight to see nico and sargent who i haven't seen in 8 months even though sargent lives here. tomorrow is my birthday which i feel very touch and go about. i think because one year ago my birthday was the worst day i have lived so far and it feels like i have to tread carefully. but i remember my old life as a lesson and use it as a ruler to measure how good and far i have moved out of what is wrong and into what is right. today i woke up and then cried on the bike because it's my birthday and my foot is fucked so i can't run. i called out of work. i put all my new books away and went to see sam at abracadabra and sat on the bench in her bedroom and she put outfit and makeup on for work and she bought me and her a green chai smoothie size small (substitute peanut for almond butter add soy milk). i went shopping for party supplies and cat food and hotdogs. dyeing my hair red and painting my nails shiny for tomorrow. i'm meeting him in the city and going to london's reading and then visiting samantha at work. here is what i decided about tomorrow. once this is all over i will go back to the studio.
wake up
drive to new jersey to get keg
drive keg back to house
priya and wes get banana split
something else (new outfit or see a movie or etc while waiting f for ssam to return from beach)
hotpot with sam justin wes and priya
decorate yard for party and digest
myrtle pub
party
ioana brought us to the spa and i had too much to drink and so did everyone. i saw julian and he brought wes. in the hot tub kat invited me to her 40th birthday party at joey's house ioana will be there she said bring wes. we went somewhere else and then gottscheer and then sam came it was her first day of school and then myrtle pub somehow and i don't remember going home. we 4 sat at the dining table drinking the 2 year limoncello not sure about going to bed. woke up and got in the car and went to the lake. wes and shane caught a fish in a plastic hot dog bun bag and let him go. painted my nails green didn't see justin. went for a run during the dry cycle. not going to the studio because it's raining.
The night before the trip i went shopping and went to cassette and showed zack everything i bought. i went to the park and painted my nails in the rain and little circles where the raindrops got dried in the hot pink. i got mad and cried and then i packed my bag. we woke up in the morning and packed his bag and then sam and thirteen picked us up in the car and we drove. we went shopping and then picked thirteen's friend up and went to the fake quarry. it was sixteen feet deep and hard work. we sat in the booth at stewarts and boys burger and girls ice cream (after dinner mint and dirt cake). we went to the bar that has one dollar beer and brought hot dogs from next door. we went home and built a fire in the backyard of molly's house. we fought about genius again which wes says is the most significant conflict in our relationship. i promise to never talk about it again. we got the guest bedroom i'm not sure why. there was a dirty beach that disappointed in the morning and then a beautiful pool of perfect water in a rock under a bridge that we didn't go in. we drove to the train tracks and walked far on the train tracks and then went into the trees and over some concrete and there was a hill of cut grass. i was nauseous. the real quarry was bluer. we got pina coladas at the diner then drove to roscoe. we met jim. he was drunk and kept beer in his car. he has three ex wives and one girlfriend who has been his girlfriend for twenty five years. he met her when her ex-boyfriend went to jail for trying to buy heroin from cops and he was paying in guns. and when he went to jail said hey my girlfriend needs a boyfriend if anyone is available and so there is jim. he says i am very quiet. he tried to make them decide if they were going to have a baby. his farmhouse burned down because there was a crack in the chimney. he is 80 years old and his son dan is asleep inside. he walks in a zig zag and got drafted in vietnam. we slept 2x2 in the motel room with bubbles in the air. in the morning we went to a waterfall then met a baker and went to a bookstore and then fell asleep in the car and woke up at big pink but it's more of a salmon. horse fly. ate ice cream and drove back to new york city. sam's birthday i sat at her house which used to be mine too and ate apple and tea. summer is over now and i know because of the light. at the bakery when i wrote down her name he asked if she was my friend and when said yes he said oh wow. i could not bike because i had a box of cake. i talked to jon about male art. saw a horrible ghost. amazed at myself for not caring and even laughing. we go to blue ribbon and then take a cab to myrtle pub. mike has the lights on because its past time but mike says fine just shots with me because its her birthday and he holds her hand and its just me and her. sit on the curb outside wendy's eating wendy's until the sun almost comes up. wes came home. yesterday woke up in greenpoint and and cheerios and meatballs and peas for breakfast took the dog to the park and saw thirteen. shopping and running. made yummy stick then wes came over then sam and thirteen and sam came over and we had a fire in the backyard. raccoon wants us and i threaten him with a shovel.
it was my boyfriends birthday so i got sick. on wednesday we went shopping and it felt like california in the parking garage and then sat on top of the car outside the chinese carvel and ate two ice cream sundaes (bogo) and then i said goodbye i have to work on secrets. and then i wore my pink shoes and went to dinner with justin's parents and boyfriend and the waitress remembered when we said she looked like rita ora last year so she sent us meat and cake. we took justin's parents to winnie's and then i biked home from their hotel but i got lost. i texted wes i am lost and he got mad. i was sick the next day and not thinking and forgot my hair clip. i went to the studio and ate cake there then went home and made cake and made tarte au citron with gooseberry blackberry and fig and then wes picked me up in the car. at work everyone was groaning. chatting has been banned. i biked to thirteens and sat on the kitchen floor next to jon while george played but i was talking to jon instead of listening. everyone went to the diner. girls get strawberry milkshakes thirteen spills hers down my shoe. in the morning i say when i come back you have to pretend to still be asleep so i can pretend to wake you up. we ate sushi on the beach and went to the aquarium. there was a ginormous burrito he ate the whole thing. i am proud of him for eating the whole burrito. everyone went to the park because wes is the best. everyone drank beer and margarita ate all the cake and the figs that sam brought. reading the script like yes it's inappropriate. halter top. sick now so just sleeping. vacation tomorrow. happy birthday wesley my wesley.
i met sam in the plaza and she protected me from a real creep. i gave her a slice of cheesecake with her name on it. we waited for catarina and i gave her two presents for brazil. we walked to abracadabra and the deli man and neil and george's ex were standing in a circle looking at the sky. there was a baby bird in his hand and they were looking for mom and the nest. we put the baby bird on a piece of paper inside the cheesecake box and said goodbye and good luck. i hear the baby and mother have been reunited in the tree. at abracadabra me and sam split a cold soup and some rice. ross was there with his girlfriend. sam and i gossiped really hard. i went to work and i didn't go to the beach. i biked to ore bar after work and brought carson. i was not mad and quillan was there and it was good to see him. people were trying to get into my house when we came home at 5am i let them inside. in the morning i biked to the park and met satya and we traded pieces of cheesecake and we gossiped really hard. i came home and woke wes up and we went to get froyo and he ate three or four bites. we went to cassette and zach gave us two manhattans twice and we looked at pictures of birds. we decided to have a fire. dan came and i felt dizzy in secret so shopped and biked separately. sam and lee came and shane came downstairs and drank beer and made hotdogs. everyone gossiped really hard. i woke up and went to the studio because it's a few days away. i called my mom because it's her birthday. my dad invited all the neighbors over and she got a strawberry rhubarb pie. i went to work and then i went back to the studio. i man called me a stupid bitch from his car. fuck you stupid bitch. i went to honore and then carmelos with shane gio carson lee and a lady. i biked to greenpoint and washed all the smoke out of me. i woke up early and did errands and sat by the water and ate an onigiri and went to the studio and me and lee worked and sat on the roof and drank caprisun. i am going to go over and eat dinner and we are going to make ice cream cones and eat them in the park and plan two trips.
went to costco and got upset and sat in the cart and he sat on the hood of the car in the parking garage to eat a hotdog. went to tony's birthday at spring bar and drank two beers to feel better. only talked to sam and tony for two seconds and lori-may for one second in the bathroom. took the train to the car and drove to myrtle pub with sam and went to the studio on monday. sunday took the train to the beach and i was so cold going home cleaned the tub to take a bath but didn't. ate really beautiful dinner wes made tortilla and i "helped" him make two cheesecake which i sliced up and delivered to yasmin at her house then riley at her house then catarina at cozy corner last night. chores and studio yesterday. run laundry clean the stove studio. i biked to greenpoint and i slept there under the new light that i think will hurt me when it falls. woke up early for studio and cut wood in the hallway to try it out but it feels like im doing it behind someones back. worked on presents. wes helped me with heavy stuff in the car. at work my coworkers said there is an awesome girl on a scooter looking for you sam is carrying vegetables driving her scooter through the front door that scoots off with other kids on scooters i say bye. i am excited for nico to come soon. i'm so afraid of tuna no one gets it.
the second dye bath is going and the first batch is dripping purple in the shower to dry. on saturday night there was a fire and i did not drink any beer. i woke up too early and we biked to my studio and he kept going on mine to greenpoint because he was helping with trains appointments i said he had to be fourteen for the day. i really just looked at the studio then went home and went to sleep and woke up and went to chinatown and got a haircut and she flat ironed it into a rockstar. She loved my red highlights. sam called me and asked if i was in manhattan and if i could do her a favor. i said yes and she asked me to go to la apparel and buy her a tank top and bring it to her work because she forgot her tankair at home and she has to crawl around on all fours and there is a birthday party in the tatami room. i try on two shirts and dov is sitting in his swivel chair on the curb and i send a picture to ioana and the next day she tells me why is he on the curb in new york when he just had a baby with my friend in la. i buy the tanktop and i go by food and i say hi to lucien and he gives me the froyo and i leave. he says we finally found our thing. the new front boy winks at me when i ask him how its going and he says good. i sit at sam's job and then yasmin comes and sits and we have one drink and two people wave at me through the window at the same time. i went to the studio on monday and worked hard. i drank the chinese monster from the picture. i went to the noodle place and waited for wes and i liked the chairs so i took some notes. he drove me to work in the fancy car. on tuesday i went to the studio and didn't work that hard. wes picked me up in the fancy car and we drove to halesite. the woman said she had a family dinner that just came up so she will leave the dresser on the porch and i can leave the money in the mailbox. finally it fit and we went to to the store and wes went swimming and i stayed on the shore. there was an oyster and he pried it open and it was full of maggots and we both jumped. we went to olive garden and walmart. i got spaghetti and meatballs and cereal and a pillow. i did chores and talked to sam on the phone for the rest of my weekend. justin and catarina visited my studio then we walked to catarina's studio and drank wine and thought about delayed destruction. i am giving catarina a book. we went to mcdonalds and then i walked home and saw cooper on his stoop and talked about mcdonalds and posting2 then wes picked me up in the car and we drank all the red wine i was carrying in my purse and he let the dog on the bed.
After i had four beer shots and one glass of wine and one beer after work i forgot the flowers on the table and cried a lot and so it took a long time to go home. he said he was not mad at me but mad was part of it. i have a respiratory infection probably as punishment but i didn't know it yet. i was on the bike when there almost could have been a tornado. i know because the wind went up instead of sideways. i wanted to pack up the box when i got home but instead i fell asleep and then went to dinner with justin and mickal. the power outlets on the left side of my bedroom were out and men were outside working for two days. i was coughing stuff up and it hurt so i knew when we were walking the dog in the park. i went home and picked all the small white stones from the rocks that were in the bottom of his fish tank and went to the studio to make a tombstone. i made three and some pants and then wes brought the table in a car that needed to be out of his kitchen. we took the bus i sat by the window and then we took the train and then walked and went to spicy village. they sat us inside next to the fish tank which was mean. went to visit luke at work got ice cream and chocolate cake felt really bad. i went home by myself. i finished my book that made me upset. it was very beautiful yesterday and i washed all my clothes and two sets of bedsheets and sent two emails and put some more red in my hair and packed the box and did not send it and went to the studio then work. very busy and not enough wineglasses. putting espresso glasses in the ice bucket to make them cold because they were hot from sitting on top of the espresso machine. and i have to give them wine in the espresso glasses and everyone is very unhappy because everything is very slow and i walk home. i have done my stretches to fix my body and swept and mopped the floor after cleaning up the mess and took the box to the post office for 24 dollars about five days to los angeles. called my mom and started making yogurt. she said he lived a long time considering someone bought him for a project. going to the studio.
i like hot pink more than the bronze. i slept at my house and woke up and went for a run then i knew my fish is dying. sam said i should bury him with a bogo chip i put two blue in front of him for now. i went shopping and received the discount i have heard stories about. i biked to justin after work on the day that i was finished early and i did not eat any chicken that night so just one made me forget i had plans with him tonight. earlier that day i ate breakfast made just for me because i knew he wouldn't like it. i went to the studio and we went to the pool (III) and carried wet bikini in the grocery store in the same hand as a plum.
i wrote that yesterday at the studio and then cried in greenpoint and received two beautiful gifts from thirteen and thought about her bug. when we came home my fish was dead and i cried we buried him in the backyard. when i left he was swimming but i think i knew it was goodbye because i said goodbye and i'm sorry into the glass when i left. i keep a bogo chip and a white rock in the abalone shell from sam for bogo. he saw many places like chinatown and ridgewood and Massachusetts. i loved him and i am sorry. thank you for your blue.
We went in the car to pennsylvania and i sat in the back seat. i was mad and right but i let it go. in the car they asked me about my fish and why i don't like music. i got burned from the fireworks. it rained and someone touched my hair wrong but i let it go. i met sam outside with her computer. we said we have to do this and then we can keep talking. it rained and we took peach and tomato boxes and held them above our heads to go to the store and the bar. it rained harder at myrtle pub and mike gave us two nice umbrellas. we went to 24th street to pick up the big red P from Paula and afterwards went to s&p. on Tuesday wes said he would come with me to the fabric store even though i knew and he knew he would only wait for me to be done. he waited for me to be done very patiently and then we got korean food and ice cream for $1.29. i went to the studio and it made me sad because everything was not going right. We went to myrtle pub and saw her again and fought about genius and i promise to try and make buffet bar in two years. i had a drink with justin in seward park before happy hour. my vera wang left boot heel broke at happy hour and i went to the cobbler during happy hour. i went to the restaurant where my coworker said a girl told her that she knows me from my old boyfriend and my new boyfriend so i asked for her name and i still don't know. we went to cooper's birthday party in the car and saw fletcher in the crosswalk. Z came to cooper's birthday party and brought me candy from grenada. sam came to cooper's birthday party and andrew thinks she's a babe. I went to super action burger with sam and wes and crawford and played mario soccer and had a ciroc cookie dough milkshake. i wanted to go to the pool on Thursday but i felt sick and just went to work and walked home with shane because he got a flat tire. We bleached our hair and got blonde and i went to the studio for a little bit and worked on some image transfers and rethreaded my sewing machine with red thread for the purse. It was busy at work last night so i think I made five hundred dollars. dyed my hair red this morning but not his. met riley and we sold clothes and saw gavin and gavin. got coffee and saw jon and talked about san francisco and mail art. We went to the grocery store and i bought 4 nectarines, hot dogs, hot dog buns, 1 japanese sweet potato, blueberry jam. i got a blue shirt, a black shirt, a brown shirt and a white shirt. string bean is asleep on the blue shirt.