Yesterday we came back on the train from massachusetts vacation. lining up to exit the woman who drank the whole small bottle of red wine from the cafe car menu is talking into her apple watch wrist i think she's from sweden. saying well you know....life is a song. most of the stalls were cow empty at the fair. we knew which pig was going to win before the race started from looking at their bodies. i was limping at the demolition derby and when the car crushed the other car into the concrete barrier and the driver was unconscious and the medics were all over like ants on dropped food wes asked me why i wanted to stay because he said we should leave now. i said because the getting hurt is part of it and then the hurt man woke up and told the man with the microphone lets keep going and then he crushed all the other cars and was the winner. and when he was the winner he climbed on top of his car while all the cars he crushed got taken away. before massachusetts nico and sargent came over and then sam came over and i made spaghetti and meatballs and shane and inga made negroni and wes told me how to make meatballs by making them for me. just delight to see nico and sargent who i haven't seen in 8 months even though sargent lives here. tomorrow is my birthday which i feel very touch and go about. i think because one year ago my birthday was the worst day i have lived so far and it feels like i have to tread carefully. but i remember my old life as a lesson and use it as a ruler to measure how good and far i have moved out of what is wrong and into what is right. today i woke up and then cried on the bike because it's my birthday and my foot is fucked so i can't run. i called out of work. i put all my new books away and went to see sam at abracadabra and sat on the bench in her bedroom and she put outfit and makeup on for work and she bought me and her a green chai smoothie size small (substitute peanut for almond butter add soy milk). i went shopping for party supplies and cat food and hotdogs. dyeing my hair red and painting my nails shiny for tomorrow. i'm meeting him in the city and going to london's reading and then visiting samantha at work. here is what i decided about tomorrow. once this is all over i will go back to the studio. 

wake up

drive to new jersey to get keg

drive keg back to house 

priya and wes get banana split 

something else (new outfit or see a movie or etc while waiting f for ssam to return from beach)

hotpot with sam justin wes and priya

decorate yard for party and digest

myrtle pub

party