I went to the glass blowing studio and warmed my hands over the small glory hole. i brought sophie's tapestry to the rug store that we were told to take it to and i was nauseous in the uber but not as nauseous as i was in the uber i was in earlier in the day. and i keep asking for kevin who i explain i was emailing and i finally i am brought to kevin who is a sacred old man (unexpected). suit and tie and tiny little cap and his hands are dyed red from his whole life spent touching rugs. and he is crawling on the ground hands and knees inspecting the rugs and he rolls out my tapestry and he says small damage like this i can do but if it's bigger if it's too hard i sent it back overseas and they spend months and months reweaving the silk. i felt tired and sad and dread before going to the rug store and i wanted to go home but when i went to the rug store i was so thankful. to meet a man that couldbe god probably. who's hands are dyed red from touching so many rugs. i went to the gym but had to leave because i was coughing so hard that tears were coming out of my eyes. emma made soup and sam made tea and i ate it and drank it. i read my book on the train even though they say it is not good to do that. i was scared on the train and my heart was beating really fast and i had a stupid thought which was i am sitting next to a little girl which means i'm safe because no one would hurt a little girl even if crazy. i thought i had a green square for you but i was wrong and i think i thought i did because i wanted to have one for you. i bought a 24 dollar jar of honey i do not know if that is the right decision. trying to make a list of things a like to do and having a hard time adding items to the list that aren't sledding and then i of course think of the dead deer in the mountain that turner and i dug up when we hit a rock with our sled and we dug it up and it was a dead deer. i am grieivng my rice cooker. i have been in denial a long time trying to convince myself it was not giving me cancer but it has been so im facing the facts new one oh but i love you my baby elephant model number NS-KCC05. i'm having a hard time living without.