In my dream last night instead of 2 there were 3 and no one could tell which one was real! I am sitting on the floor packing boxes all day at thinking about last christms sitting on the floor packing boxes all day this morning rsvp'd sophie for a party at the edition hosted by perrotin and silencio like punch in the gut. i get a headache at my new works which is not the same thing as getting sick because i am shy and afraid to be seen drinking water. thinking about public versus private documentation and how there should not be any overlap. not necessarily should but instead i don't want there to be. for example i already told my journal about the movie i watched tonight so you aren't going to know. the things that i remember on paper and the things that i tell you my computer are separate. i went to the bookstore after work and found a book about these people who started a gallery and then found out that the unit they rented was eva hesse's apartment that she lived in until she died and now the unit is lomex so felt how i did at the princess diana death tunnel which means i'm probably going to get my period. the book is about eva hesse and what it means to use the things she used in the same space that she used them. this book would be the perfect present for someone to give me if i didn't buy it for myself today at the store. yogurt and kefir with raw honey+frozen blueberries+cardamom orange blossom granola+bee pollen, black coffee raw honey, lentil freekeh salad with pickled radish brussells sprouts microgreens arugula pomegranate molasses one hard boiled egg, handful frozen chocolate chips, miso soup with goji berries, sweet potato with yogurt+three meatballs+salad with saurkraut, mint tea. i am spending christmas in new york city again. i will run tomorrow even though injured. i am testing out classical music after i liked it at the restaurant. i am having obsessive compulsive disorder in a really classical sense right now like things cant touch other things. it's like how you have to lose something new to find something you lost before. because i can cook in my parents kitchen but now things are treacherous here where it matters because i built this house and i choose to be here. tomorrow we will see the sad movie that will win an award. after it is over i will say do you guys wanna get a martini?