i can't tell you my new diet or else i will get in trouble. well let's just say i had to break it because me and soraya were really grumpy at 3pm and i was making the pasta dough and thought i have never been more negative in conversation so had my celsius and yogurt and cherry jam and granola and it had me going in to walkin singing songs to myself and inventing riddles and saying i don't want to make it i don't want to make it i don't want to make it. after eating pudding all night every night i went to the store to buy pudding cups which are dry goods after redeeming my birthday cone at chinese carvel last possible day melting sitting alone at the plaza dropping sprinkles into the creases of my pikolinos and my "cleavage" and then i saw the pudding and i did not fucking want it. home cutting out the shirt that i asked sargent to help me with. then back to work on the bike in the dark for the second time today first time 5am second time 9pm meet justin get sippy cup first time then back second sippy cup. yeah radishes are not spicy to me. first time going to the grocery store. i'll blow cash because i'm about to live alone with my babysitter. i saw a girl who used to be me being so sad and i gave her a slice of apple and (written sunday). this morning the jackhammering began at 7:24am. i hear jude shout shut the fuck up again. at 8am go outside and ask them for three pairs of earplugs one for me one for jude and one for jude's boyfriend and i deliver sleep they are orange. didn't eat thought about what i ate yesterday (plum lime juice black pepper kefir+rosewater) wrote in book drink coffee eat farmer's skillet go to work. ioana and sophie come to visit me at work. dunking all the shoes i don't wear in hot water and wearing them all day. facing the facts like i will quit crying if i quit the celsius monster. bike home and cut my hair. i drink the red wine from my backpack and buy new shoes. (written tuesday tonight).