The kitchen is good for me. sam says she thinks the house knows we are leaving it and it is angry. fear from those around me of one day not living with someone with ocd. seeing the blood and saying i'm a real girl. getting drunk during the daytime really drunk. speaking to a man at isabel's frat party out of the blue tells me he has spent some time in logan utah and i am always territorial. like what do you know about that sacred circle that is mine fuckhead. sometimes kind of a lot i am walking home thinking please please please appear out of thin air. please please please. so charging my juul. vacuuming to tell the house i still love you don't fall apart on us. taking turns taking bites out of the pizza slice in the hallway to tell the house it's okay we still love you please please please. I am meant to use my body i am meant to use my body i am meant to use my body. i am meant to clean up and run fast and it's okay to be grateful and so lucky for things that helped and hurt at the same time. just like real girl who bleeds every month not just once in a while for no reason at all? me and my sugar tooth.