The world is so lopsided the past oh i'd say nine days and i feel so disoriented. i havent seen emma in a week and we finally met for the first time tonight enchanté i think we might know each other. at sara's and my ideas about readings are reinforced. i am never more focused on my own hmmm what if and putting outfits together and doing math and trying to remember a list or making a new list then when i'm supposed to be paying attention to someone read their poem. except perfect last one. old habits die hard (buying armful of plastics cups a little too late). buying cigarettes is nineteen dollars and he asks you how old you are and i say 24 and he says well you look 20. and i say i don't get the underage discount? and he says you want a discount? and he gives me the underage discount of two dollars less. I blow him a kiss because he is from india and liked my vibe. Sam says i broke our joint vow of celibacy. and no one knows what it really means or feels to lose your best friend to austria. i think i got convinced to look up when i run instead of down. to look up at the sky even though it was my new years resolution to look up when i walk and down when i run. amendment to look into the horizon. middle ground like literally. I won the no vegetables today competition and i am so sad that i got first place. i think my first ever struck by lightning will come true tomorrow. i asked for yacht with dramamine and tomorrow we will go on yacht with dramamine. do you ever have parties in here? well come look at this. Shows me holes in the floor from the girls in high heels dancing. You can spit out your gum in my mouth everyday if you want to and i'll chew and chew and chew and chew. It tasted good for a long time and then i spit it out into a cutout square of deli paper and put it in my book with six plum pits that cut my finger.