80s style runner with ponytail that runs up and down cedar. which is a customer induced flashback. in baking training and what she says is profound to me and makes me think that there is something inside of women all women. because ive met many women like her this year. she turns 30 in august and has invited 30 people upstate for the party. but she doesn’t want to do it anymore. instead she wants to “have a boyfriend and not have to look at anyone else” (she doesn’t have a boyfriend yet). i’m pitting the cherries for her jam and she touches underneath my eye and my forehead with her finger and says it’s sweet you have cherry juice right here and right here. she lets me sip from her straw. when i leave the world is paradise but i didn’t know because i was in the basement all day. all our cooks went to art school. most beautiful air i wish i could sit in the park. but the lavender crème pat in my purse needed to go home. i got wasted two nights ago but im three days sober. the indian girl at tj byrnes is so lucky she can call herself lucky. lucky bitch. the half indian girl at winnie’s told me i looked like emrata and i said omg thankyou i think you look like….. dot dot dot ummm …emrata! when i’m facing the playground at the park i can tell which kid is me. i guess i will have to go “home” soon. i’ve never been there. i’m working on letting the dice fall where they will fall. no need to blow on them.