I think i have to believe in God because of my ideas about fate keep becoming reinforced. that I only believe in fate when bad things happen. if i had stood there deciding between tangerines and pomelos for 1 minute longer or went all the way down the pasta isle instead of halfway down the pasta isle i wouldn't have had to break my own heart again. i lost a piece of my hand from the mandolin in the potatoes but i picked it out. you shouldn’t use a mandolin while crying. it looked just like the ham before its cut on the deli slicer at work. first you cut off the tough pink skin and then you cut off the white fat that is the consistency of butter. the chunk of my hand that fell into the potatoes had a nice good piece of white fat on it and a nice thick layer of pink hard skin. my skin tone is darker than the pig's though. today i got my period. i'm embarrassed. in my 9 years of being a woman (i got my period at age 15 due to low bmi due to competitive gymanstics) i have done some of the worst things i can imagine 1 day before my period. i'm under the influence but it's still me behind the knife.