Maybe you have noticed that im not active on the blog kinda...it's because i am experiencing a "breakup" and so i am experiencing devastation. i will survive though by working myself to death. morning working the booth at NADA then to la cantine for dinner service then to the gallery at night to install the exhibition...Everything and nothing is my fault. today on my walk home i saw them all playing basketball and it made me really sad. i went from cooking all day and went to the roof with the radio and peeled the lemons and minneolas and put the peels in old kimchi jars and then filled them up with polish grain liquor with 96% alcohol content. polish limoncello. last night we diluted it so much so we could drink it and still i got drunk instantly for justin's birthday party at mansions. justin has a new a "boyfriend" i like him. me and him (justin) are like magnets or seasons...like the world won't let us have "boyfriends" at the same time. i'm so sad but it's okay but it's sad because devon was bff for real. matteo came and it was so fleeting, jake gives him literal death glare as he hugs me goodbye at la cantine i LOLed. I said i would quit the blog but it doesn't really matter anymore. Ioana said she was worried about my body but she doesn't know me like I know me. but her kindness  blows my freaking mind. i was eating lunch at work and katie koritz walked past and did not say hello even though i tried. was it because i was wearing an apron and looked like shit? i'm making justin's birthday cake happy birthday justin tomorrow i love you so much. It felt really good to run around on the roof dropping orange peels seeing if passersby would notice the thud thud thud. i think i have a problem with codependency :) julia came to our house last night. we all say on separate sides of the room. every since etta posted the video of skinny string bean i've been tormented by i accidentally made him obese. so now he eats 2/3 a sardine for breakfast and 1/3 sardine for dinner and NO KIBBle. no matter how much he cries. when i am spoken to outside of myself i don't feel it is for me. One time you gave me a gummy worm do you think i could have another? he gave me a peach ring i guess it's seasonal produce. i went to the ridgewood girl style ridgewood movie that was screened in ridgewood and everyone looked like they lived in ridgewood. i went alone and sat very still so nobody would see me or know that i was there. i chewed gum and pretended i wasn't having fun so that nobody would think about me. i might apply that to other or all areas of my life considering the given circumstances.......................