Emma told me that anna said that my blog is being ...."discussed". lmfao! emma says that brians roommate was the guy that chewed the old mans ear and face off in oregon. im unemployed. baby. tomorrow is our dinner party this is who is coming: priya, emma, justing, blake, caramel (tbc), isabel, sam, siobhan, liv, catarina, julien, devon. our tbc names are: ian, aisha, hayley, julia (lol). running as fast as we can in the rain. i couldn't get myself to be sad about leaving except when i looked at adam's desk and the trash room. and when i was doing everyone's dishes one last time. i don't know if you guys realize but i can see what you are doing and looking at on my blog. Like i know who is looking at it. and i can see what you are trying to see. because of modernity. yeah you...! it's really easy to become an alcoholic. despite the pills i can keep going andgoing. i recently had the thought it's crazy that i will be probably have a succesful career and make money and have a beautiful body forever so nothing really matters. but nothing is certain. so you have to keep drinking vodka sodas instead of gin and tonics. i prepared the jello this evening for tomorrows soiree which is cherry jello red wine blueberries and gummy worms that emma took from her. on my run i think about ways that i can get revenge. I don't recognize myself when i see my reflection in windows because it looks like there are holes that are growing and sinking deeper where my eyes are. like a vacuum bag that you put under the bed. not when I look in the mirror thought that's me.