I broke three glass things three times today. a bad sign for a bad thing. felt kind of sick but in a completely mental way because of boredom and rain and fatalistic thought. i scrubbed the kitchen floors cinderella style on my hands and my knees. i finished my 1,160 page book and cooked elaborate meal (roasted squash, ginger black lentils cooked in chicken fat and miso, roasted pumpkin seeds, kale salad with pickled onions + raisins + seeds , and lemon parsley yogurt sauce blended with oven roasted garlic) but still i feel like i am not being productive, nothing will help this feeling until this is resolved. soon i will be tucked away and my skin will be hard again (not soft).