Chewing is thinking...let's sell some gum in japan! my sickness if making me confused and perceptive to the little things. i'm not sure what i'm like from the outside but it must be so obvious to those of you on the outside. I'm on stage and i'm speaking to my audience....to all my fellow "former" anorexics! it has been a pleasure dining with you here tonight! it's like we are playing a game of chess in the cafeteria. i am told we are "snow starved" as it's been 690 days without more than one inch. which leaves me waiting and feeling incomplete i'm from the greatest snow on earth after all. thinking of sledding down dry canyon with turner at midnight and we hit a rock and fly off. we dig up the rock and its the frozen carcass of a girl deer. i think i've told you about this before probably because i'm still thinking about it because it hasn't snowed in 690 days. Life is so tied to the house. at least MY life and body and mind are. The house is like how i see a tree = it sees everything on its surface and your life is stuck on its skin between two layers of paint. I re-read the journal entry from the first day in this house and holy Fuck i was derailed. i was cruel and derailed and a whore. the last day in this house is so different from the first in a life saving way which i have to remember. which means the next will be the same.